Why fixing the wrong one wastes a year, and six questions that tell them apart

We'll refer to her as Marisol from here on. Marisol is a composite drawn from several women, rather than one actual member or client. At 47 and serving as a marketing vice president, she has spent the last eleven months revising her résumé each Sunday evening, yet she has never once sent it anywhere. Whenever friends inquire, she says she's simply exhausted by the marketing work. Her husband, who has listened to stories about her new manager almost nightly since February, is convinced the real cause lies elsewhere.

A new manager joined the team in February. He keeps canceling her one-on-one meetings, forwards her work to the CEO with someone else's name on it, and during team calls he wants to know whether she has "pressure-tested" initiatives that are already live. Up until February, she truly relished going to work each day. Without noticing, she has let that feeling slip away.

What's at stake

If the trouble is the job but she treats it as a people problem, she'll sit tight, wait for him to leave, and still feel miserable once he's gone. When the root issue is a boss but she frames it as a career issue, she risks walking away from an employer she valued, entering an unfamiliar industry, and still hauling him around in her mind. Each of those wrong turns usually takes about a year to recover from.

The change

The question worth asking is not simply whether she likes her supervisor, since very few people enjoy a difficult one and many find a decent one irritating. The better question is what changes once you mentally take the boss out of the picture. Marisol tries it on her commute along the 1604 loop. She imagines him getting moved to a distant branch while someone competent but forgettable takes over his desk. The work is unchanged. The team is unchanged. She catches herself smiling. That reaction matters. That is the answer.

Why this issue extends well beyond Marisol

A 2025 TalentLMS survey of 1,000 employees found that 54% report "quiet cracking," a slow erosion of motivation that doesn't become a resignation until it finally does. A difficult manager is one of the quickest paths there, and the harm is easy to misread as "I'm finished with this career." The career is usually fine. The chair above it isn't.

The six questions

1. Picture your manager walking out tomorrow with nothing else changing: would you remain where you are? A quick yes points to the boss.

2. Before this supervisor came along, did the role appeal to you? If it did, then the supervisor is what needs fixing.

3. Has it been three managers in a row that you struggled to get along with? If so, scrutinize the position itself, or the category of work it belongs to, more closely.

4. Is the anxiety concentrated before sessions with one specific individual, or does it hang over every Monday regardless? Anxiety fixed on a single person points to that person. Anxiety that saturates the entire week points to the position.

5. Even on rough days, does the work still draw you in? If it does, the job isn't what's wrong.

6. Picturing your next role, do you see the same kind of work with a new manager, or a completely different kind of work altogether? Trust that mental picture.

Choosing a course of action based on what you've uncovered

If four or more answers point at the boss, the fix is a direct conversation or a transfer, not a career overhaul. A good opener might sound like this: "I'd value knowing how you like to collaborate with me. Let me tell you what I need from you so I can deliver my strongest work." Then agree on a review point roughly ninety days ahead. If things stay the same, bring concrete examples, not emotions, to his superior or to HR. If your answers implicate the role, quit holding the newcomer from February responsible for everything. He isn't worth another year.

Marisol's résumé is still sitting open on Sunday evenings. This week, for once, she understands exactly who it is meant for.